


I'm Not Who You Think I Am

by HanakoAkibara15



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Comfort/Angst, Depression, Gender or Sex Swap, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Light becomes Transgender, Light is a mother, Misa & Light are like sisters, Misa is basically the opposite of what she was in the manga/anime, Misa is motherly and smart, Misa isn't stupid and annoying, Mpreg, Name Changes, Other, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Transgender
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-17
Updated: 2017-07-15
Packaged: 2018-11-01 19:38:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10928658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HanakoAkibara15/pseuds/HanakoAkibara15
Summary: After Light is set free from L's confinement, he is attacked and sexually assaulted. Soon after, he and Misa find out that he is pregnant. Misa and Light move to America, without anybody knowing what happened or where they went, and Light gives birth to his daughter.Three years, one sex change, and three plane tickets later, Kasumi (Misa), Shinju (Light) and Shinju's two year old daughter, Miyako, move back to Japan.Will they be left in peace? Or will they have some strange, unlikely encounters...





	1. Regret

**Author's Note:**

> THE FIRST CHAPTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
> I hope you like this one.  
> If you've read my other fanfictions... Welcome to my most recent!  
> If you're new to my writing... I hope you survive your stay!  
> Enjoy!

Light had been free. Released of his confinement with his number one most dangerous enemy, L. The cell was gone, forgotten, along with the handcuffs, the bed sharing, the sleep deprivation, the lack of sunlight, the cold. Even though - in reality - he was Kira, he was free.

_And that thought had been his biggest mistake._

That single thought is what had lead him to the situation he was in right now. He had made the foolish mistake of letting his guard down. It had cost him his new found freedom, his remaining innocence, his virginity, _everything_.

_Light Yagami, Kira, had been raped._

He has felt as though the world, _his_ world, was being ripped out from under his feet. All he could think about was the fact that _this very action_ , it meant he couldn’t be a God. _Kira_ would not let himself be violated in such a manor. _Kira_ had the power to stop _this very crime_. _Kira_ was meant to be invincible, _perfect_...

_And now... He was no such thing..._

Lying in the darkness of the night clothed alleyway, with only one thing running through his mind.

_He was a failure._

Half-lidded eyes stared into the space around him, unseeing. His vision of the new world? It was dead.

 _He was_ done.

Yet, he had a feeling it wasn’t. The thought of his own death stirred something inside of him. It was strange. And unknown emotion surfacing within him.

_Regret._

Everything he had done, everything he had fought for... It was now worth nothing. He suddenly regretted even _starting_ to create this pointless fantasy.

_A world without corruption... simply did not exist._

The thought of ending his own life flashed in the front of his mind, only to be forced back again by that strange emotion. The one he had only just discovered.

_Regret._

There were _so many_ things he regretted. He could try to list them all, but it would be pointless. So he only admitted two.

_He regretted letting Misa in on his scheme._

She was too innocent for this. She didn’t deserve the punishment she would undoubtedly receive. She had been blinded by love and admiration. The power she gained, it was not suited to her. She deserved a better life than the one she had been given. Her parents were dead, so was her brother. She almost lost her first and only love.

 _She didn’t deserve this... She deserved so,_ so _much more._

Her admiration for Kira had turned her into a monster she had never been _before_. A monster she had never meant to become. And it was all Light’s fault.

_He also regretted testing the Death Note._

The one object that only brought _more_ corruption to a world full to the brim with it. A pile of paper, bound into a book with a few pieces of string, glue and some black leather. The smooth surface, the thin pages, the perfect lines, the rules, the _feeling_... it had become addictive to him. It was one of many ways to save society, but it was the most effective.

_Until it had ruined him._

It had become all he had known. He didn’t _need_ it, but he _wanted_ it. Who’d have thought a simple _notebook_ could bring so much misery and destruction to a world that already knew war. He had saved _so many_ people. But, the weight on his shoulders... those dead, pain-filled expressions that invaded his dreams like the plague, _they were too much_.

_Why had he let it come to this?_

He would have had the power of restraint on his side, had he not seen the potential power he could earn himself. Power he now saw as useless.

Once he _did_ have that power, the world in his hands... _he would just become bored again._

Because, _out of all the things Light Yagami knew_ , the fact that ‘people didn’t change’ was on top. An IQ of 215, wasted on what would be his undoing.

_He was foolish._

He had stooped to a level that was beyond reasoning. There was no going back.

_This was the end of Light Yagami... the end of Kira._


	2. Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Misa to the rescue!

_Pain._

It hurt more than anything he had ever known. His mind was foggy, his memories of the past hour were clouded. All he would feel was the _burning_ sensation emanating from his ass and back. He was too scared to move, but he knew he had to. He could see the moon, glowing ominously above him in the clear night sky.

_It was mocking him._

He didn’t want to think about it. Any of it. He didn’t want to think... But he knew he needed help. So, he called the one person no one would expect him to call in this situation.

Putting his phone on speaker, and placing it on the ground in front of him, he pushed himself into a half sitting position and managed to pull up his boxers and pants, but he didn’t have the energy to zip them up, so he just left them open and flopped uselessly back down onto the rough, glass littered ground.

_“Light!”_ a voice squealed from the other end of the call. _“You called me! Misa is so happy!”_

“Misa...” is all the young man could manage.

His voice was raspy, throat dry and sore from all the screaming and crying he had done.

_He felt ashamed._

_“What’s wrong?”_ the normally hyperactive woman’s voice went from loud and bubbly to dead serious almost instantaneously.

“I... I can’t...” he was having trouble forming proper words as a new round of tears made his throat swell.

_“I won’t tell them,”_ she told him, quickly realising something _very bad_ had happened to her boyfriend. _“Where are you?”_

He told her the street name, along with which alleyway he was in, before she promised she would be there in ten minutes and hung up.

_And so... he waited._

 

It was the most _agonising_ ten minutes of his entire life. By the time he heard the familiar roaring of Misa’s expensive car, he was in mental anguish. The engine went dead, and he hear a car door open, then slam closed again. Running footsteps filled his ears, then the beam of a flashlight shone down on his cut up and bruised face and a gasp was heard. He barely reacted to the bright light, only flinching when he felt a warm, feminine hand on the freezing cold flesh of his left arm.

Misa ignored the flinch, even though she saw and felt it, and gently pulled Light’s head into her lap. She carded her fingers through his soft locks, not failing to notice the blood that came away on her fingers when she pulled her hand away from the back of his head.

He looked up at her with seemingly dead eyes, bruises already beginning to form around both of his tear filled sockets. There were nasty looking grazes covering the right side of his face - some still had broken glass in them - and there was a clearly intentional gash running along the curve of his left cheekbone.

“Misa...” he whispered when he recognised her.

He reached up with a violently trembling left hand and ran his fingers along the right side of her face, tracing her features as if it were going to be the last time he was going to see her.

She racked her gaze over his form, ignoring the shaking fingertips that were still lingering on her cheek. His shirt was shredded, his torso _covered_ in cuts, bruises, grazes and cigarette burn marks. She leaned forward a little, seeing the welts and scratches coating his back, she was able to confirm that he had been given the belt by his attacker... or attackers.

Her gaze travelled down. His own belt was gone, leading her to believe it was Light’s own belt that had been used. His pants were unbuttoned and unzipped, but had been pulled clumsily over his undoubtedly mutilated private parts, probably by Light himself. Considering that the blood stains both his boxers _and_ his jeans were slowly getting bigger, she could confirm that he was still bleeding, and heavily at that. His shoes were gone, probably stolen, and his feet were bruised and cut just as badly as his face.

She dropped the ‘dumb blonde’ act. It was about time that ‘Misa Misa’ went to sleep, permanently. Light needed help, and it would require seriousness, sensibility and responsibility to give him the help he needed.

She turned to look back at the young, damaged man in her lap.

“Light, listen to me,” she said, earning a groggy nod in reply. “We need to get back to my house. So, I need you to stand up and walk. I’ll help you, but you need to _help me help you_.”

When she got another nod, she gently shifted out from underneath him and stood up. He offered her both of his hands, and let her pull him to his feet.

His knees almost buckled from the pain, but she held him up, forcing him to take a step forward... toward a brighter, reasonably painless future.


	3. Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light's pregnant, and Misa has a plan of action.

The next month was... quiet.

Light had been reported missing by L and his father, and Misa kept him hidden from all eyes but her own.

Slowly, he was getting better. Although he was still traumatized from the torture he had endured, and was still getting used to Misa’s change of character, he was healing.

Both of them knew it was unlikely that the nightmares would go away anytime soon. They had resulted to sharing a bed. Both of them slept better when they were close to each other. The love they had developed had changed. They acted more like siblings now, and they both were okay with that.

But, something was nibbling at Misa’s mind. There was something she was missing. Light would often wake up vomiting first thing in the morning, if not, he felt nauseous and Misa was beginning to think it wasn’t the nightmares’ fault.

Seven weeks since the attack, Misa noticed Light was beginning to act like he was hiding something. He was getting increasingly quieter, and would avoid skin to skin contact at all times. He wouldn’t let her seem him without his hoodie on, let alone without a shirt. He didn’t know that she knew exactly what was happening.

He was gaining weight, she had felt his belly getting bigger when he hugged her in his sleep. At times, he would lock himself in the bathroom. She could hear him crying, even though he thought he was being quiet. She knew that he thought she would hate him if she found out, but Misa had known what was going on before he did.

 

Misa sat silently, rubbing circles on Light’s back as he threw up. It was 8:57 am in the Amane household in Tokyo, and Misa was done acting clueless to what was going on.

“It’s okay, Light,” she said soothingly when there was a break in the retching. “Bad things happen to the best people. I’ll help you through this. We’ll move away. We’ll get the baby away from all this madness. A child shouldn’t have to live a life in the shadows.”

His head snapped to the side as he looked at her in shock. His honey-brown eyes searching her hazel ones. She merely gave him a warm smile.

“I know you’re pregnant, Light,” she explained, causing him to look away. “We’ll change our names, move to... America. I’ll change my hair, and you can too. We’ll disappear. The Fist and Second Kiras will be put to death, but it won’t be L who does it. We’ll relinquish ownership of the Death Notes and give this child a _normal_ life. I won’t make you suffer through this alone. I love you Light. You’re like my little brother.”

He didn’t look up at her again, but she could see the smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

“I... I like that plan,” he whispered.

 

 


	4. Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hahaha... I'm so mean. Poor Light!

Misa felt as if her hand was being crushed in his grip. She knew Light Yagami wasn’t scared of many things. But, as of now, and about an hour ago, that list was growing.

It was plainly clear to her that he was now afraid of men, if their experience at airport security was anything to go by.

He had already been twitchy all morning, his fear of being out in public growing. One of the security guards at security had asked him why he was so nervous, which had caused him to flinch and take a step back. Seeing as they were already through the metal detectors, Misa had quickly rushed over and quietly explained to the man that Light had a particularly bad case of androphobia, and she made sure to exaggerate that she was _very_ proud of him for coming out in public with her.

The man had backed off almost instantly, and Misa carefully lead her little brother away, subtly putting herself between Light and any of the few men they passed.

Because of Misa’s disguise, no one approached them, which also helped Light relax a little. She had dyed her hair the same colour as Light’s natural colour the day before, and for once, she was actually wearing her glasses, instead of contact lenses. Her hair was down, she had hated those pigtails anyway, and she was dressed in a pair of light grey skinny jeans, a white button down shirt – the bottom tucked into her pants – and a baby pink knitted cardigan, with a pair of white high heels.

Light's grip on her sleeve was as tight as a child's to his mother.

They were picture perfect siblings to anyone and everyone, even if they weren’t blood related. Both beautiful enough for it to make perfect sense. Their eyes almost the same colour, their hair _was_ the same colour, though Misa’s was a lot longer than Light’s, and despite their opposite genders and a slight difference in height, they had similar bone structure.

What Light was wearing was a large contrast to Misa. A pair of fitted black jeans, a white button down, under an over sized, dark grey, knitted jumper – which was almost down to his knees and hid his small, yet _all too_ noticeable bump – along with dark red high top Converse shoes. And, despite Misa’s reassurance that he would be okay, a black medical face mask.

They had had an hour to kill – no pun intended – before they got on the plane.

 

That’s where they are now, and Misa is certain that she is going to lose her fingers if it continues.

Light Yagami is terrified of aeroplanes, not that Misa can really blame him. He’s never been on one before, so he has a right to be scared.

Sitting in business class of _the safest_ flight to America she could find, the bones in her right hand are creaking and screaming in protest. However, despite her discomfort, she lets him hold her hand. She understands his fear, and she feels sorry for him.

She looks over at Light, who now has his head on his knees, his free hand wrapped around his stomach. He’s muttering to himself, and Misa is sure that the words are prayers.

Her fingers are going purple.

 


End file.
